Over 12 years ago, when my daughter was just two years old, I gave her away to complete strangers! I am telling the truth, I gave my only daughter…a two year old away. What kind of mother does that you might ask? You must be an unfit mother! So here’s my story.
I was a working mom before my daughter was born and I had gone right back to work a couple months after she was born. Once I was at work, caring for my daughter fell into the hands of my aunt, her grandparents, even her father. Don’t get me wrong, I was there as well, but my job required many long hours in the office. When I was not in the office, I was out of the country, participating in conferences, coordinating events. As I looked back, I literally was away from my daughter, and out of the country, just about every six weeks, many times for days on end. Still, I enjoyed my job.
At some point, my contract ended. Well, just about the time that this contract position ended, my husband and I also separated. So there were lots of separations happening. Job separation, and impending financial straits and emotional and physical separation in my marriage.
It was a couple months or less after my ex and I had separated, that I gave my daughter away.
It was one of those days when nothing seemed to please her. As a mom, or parent, or anyone who takes care of kids knows children have those days, well, when it’s just about crying. They will cry and fuss and fret and cry and fuss and fret some more! It really didn’t help that she was really missing her father. And how did I know you might ask? Well she kept saying so, through the tears of course, “I want my daddy!”
I was still trying to adjust to being a single mom. On that day in particular, I was cleaning the apartment and preparing simple meals, and in between, OMG, was this crying, clinging two year old. Between harsh conversations and frustrations with my husband at the time, on the phone mainly, because he refused to come see her and me, I snapped! I literally snatched her up and knocked on my neighbor’s door.
So to be clear, I was living in that apartment compound for about a year and a half at that time. The new neighbors had moved in maybe a few months before. I had seen them already briefly. A mother and an adult daughter.
Anywho, I knocked on the door, introduced myself and asked if they could keep my two-year old toddler for me please. I don’t know why she did it. She said that she would. I turned around and left, went back to my apartment. I shut my door and fell apart. I was so exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally. I did not want to see my daughter, it felt like, ever again!
I needed to destress. I needed a break. I needed to be free! Eventually I calmed down and continued with my household chores. Finished preparing our meal.
Just about two hours later, I started to wonder to myself, who are my neighbors? I had only seen them briefly before outside. Saying “his” and “hellos.” Who were these persons with whom I had just left my vulnerable 2 year old daughter?
I started to panic! I thought to myself, “What have I done, leaving my vulnerable toddler, my only child with complete strangers? I must be an unfit mother!” I quickly got myself together and literally ran to my neighbor’s door to retrieve my child.
I knocked on the door and my neighbor calmly opened the door. I started to speak and explain how I was feeling before and asked to see my daughter. She invited me in and there to my surprise was my daughter siting calmly, eating some freshly made dinner rolls and actually almost smiling. My neighbor told me how she deescalated the situation, and reminded my daughter that she promised to behave well for the rest of the day as we were leaving.
It was the start of a beautiful friendship with my neighbor who God actually brought into our lives. I know that now. It was not a mistake or an accident. Even in my weakness, God knew exactly what I needed.
Some persons after reading this article may say that I was and am an unfit mother. They may be correct.
I do not know what your story may be or what is happening in your life right. I know that sometimes as a mother, parent or guardian you may reach a breaking point. The point where you feel you can’t take it anymore or go any further. I am not saying to give your kids away to total strangers, far from! I am saying that if you are at a breaking point, call out, shout, pray to God and let Him intervene and help you through your situation.
Psalms 46:1 (KJV) says “God is our refuge and our strength a very present help in trouble.” He will not only cover your shortfalls, and also make you a successful mom in all situations.
2 thoughts on “An Unfit Mother”
Wow, you were lucky. Great neighbour!
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Yes. My neighbors were truly wonderful and genuine individuals. I had nothing to do with it. That was only God’s divine intervention!
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