I remember being really, really, really sad while being separated. It was just before my divorce. This feeling lasted for such a looooonng time or so it seemed! It was a time in my life that I wished, prayed would go really quickly or not proceed at all. That was the sadness talking!
The truth is, I was separated for four years before I actually got divorced. Why one might ask? Let me first say, that it was not by choice. We had been separated for two years with no possibility of reconciliation when I initiated divorce proceedings. However, my then husband, soon to be ex, REFUSED to consider the divorce as an option. And even REFUSED to sign the divorce documents! OMG!!
This was extremely painful for me because I felt like I needed to move on and I couldn’t if I was still legally married. To say I was frustrated was an understatement. If you are going through a similar situation of being separated or awaiting divorce documents, here are some dos and don’ts.
Take Care Of Yourself
Spend time working on you. Focus on improving yourself. Read books, find a hobby, get massages, start a new workout routine. Work on improving yourself.
Remember your dreams. Before you got married or before you met your spouse, you had specific dreams and goals that were put on hold. For me, that dream was pursuing my PhD.
Connect With Others
Reach out to family and friends. During this transition time it may feel like you want to be by yourself rather than with family and friends. But the truth is, you and I need their support!!
Spend Time With Kids
Invest in your kids. If you have children, start spending more time with them. Of course, if your spouse walked out of your relationship, leaving you with the kids then you may argue… that you didn’t have a choice! But spend quality time with them. Enjoy your kids!
Turn to God
Strengthen your relationship with God. Unfortunately, my relationship with God was put on a back burner during my marriage. Minus a marriage, it was me and God again. And that was exactly what I needed.
Stay Indoors Only
Do not stay home and mope. Initially, this is probably what you did. I know I stayed inside a lot! Get outside, exercise, go to the beach, park. Do anything, but stay home. Visit a new area. My ex, took my car, so I needed to use public transport to get around. But I still did!
Do not cry all the time. I cried a lot. I mean a lot! Really before I got married I was not a crier. I did not cry at funerals or memorials. Post marriage, post baby, during my separation, I cried all the time!
Obsess About Your Spouse
Do not worry about what your spouse is doing. Worrying about what the other partner is doing will bring unnecessary stress. You cannot control anyone’s behavior. You can barely control your own.
Curse Your Ex
Do not bad mouth your ex with others. Unfortunately, I did that for a while. Until…one day…a friend informed me that my ex was a reflection of me… my choice. So essentially the more I bad mouthed him, the more negatively it reflected on me.
Find A New Love
Definitely do not go looking for a new beau right away. Sometimes just to get back at your partner, you seek the company of Mr. Wrong to get your partner jealous. Trust me, this never works! You end up meeting some persons who you should have never met in the first place!
So there you have it! These are my simple advices. You may agree with some and disagree with others. What I can say is, that even though I was sad before, today I am happy. I am happy to be a single, divorced woman and a single mom. I am also happy to have learned these lessons and to be able to share all that I have learned with you!
So take heart, this too shall pass. DO leave your comments below!