Divorce Blues…Or Maybe Reds, Greens…

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I am writing for someone who didn’t want to get up today. Today was not, is not a good day.  You start to remember the good times that you had while you were married. You maybe are still married, or just separated, not yet divorced. After all divorce is for losers, and failures and yet, here you are…

Today does not feel like a good day.  And you still have to get out of bed, prepare meals, cook, clean, go to work, go to church, go to the grocery store etc. You really do not want to be seen. No questions, no questions please. You do not want to answer any phone calls either.

What is wrong with you? What is wrong with him or her? What is wrong with you? You conclude something must be wrong with you. It must be, otherwise you wouldn’t be in this position.

Perhaps if you call, your spouse will want to talk and this will all go away. Perhaps he or she will knock or ring the door bell, and will tell you that it’s time to come home. They’re coming home.

You are sure everyone you meet knows of your failures. You see happy couples and families everywhere and your family…hmm….

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You could pretend that everything is normal. If anyone asks about your spouse and why he or she is not around, you can respond that they’re out of town visiting family or on a work trip. 

I remember, I was waiting. I was waiting for my spouse to come to his senses and come home. I waited…And waited…After all he must know what a catch I was and that we could do great things together! We were building our home, had a good income, a beautiful baby girl, wonderful family and friends.

Then when he still showed no signs of coming home, I started to play the BLAME GAME! This is the game where you blame everyone in your life for the mistakes that have been made.


First you start to blame your spouse. Didn’t he realize that you had a good thing going? Your marriage was going fine. Why didn’t he or she just  ________________ (you can fill in the blank)?

Then you blame yourself. Yep! You place yourself on a guilt-trip. Recounting all the things you could have done differently. You could have been more open and kind. Maybe communicated more, been more understanding. You could have, would have, should have done  ________________ (and again you fill in the blank here).

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I blamed God. I believed…I thought that if I attended church, treated everyone right and fair, was an upstanding citizen etc that God would have granted me a beautiful and long marriage, a faithful husband, wonderful kids. My thoughts…

During this time, I was sooooo wrapped up in my own blues and sorrows that I barely noticed anyone else’s problems. After all I reasoned, they were not in my shoes, they were not going through, and definitely not feeling the pain that I was feeling, they hadn’t endured what I had endured.

I look back at that time now some twelve years later and it all seems like a blur. Mostly like a blur!

I often wondered what was the purpose of this experience, my marriage, and then divorce experience. The pain of separation and divorce, is both physical and psychological. It’s like you are battling two diseases at the same time and the cure… well the cure…there does not seem to be an immediate cure!

If you are going through the divorce blues right now…can I tell you something? This too shall pass!

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And when it does, you will see greens, and reds and yellows! You will see beauty everywhere! Right now you feel sorrow and sadness because of shattered dreams and plans.  But God has another plan for your life. A better, longer lasting, eternal plan.

Ultimately, it takes THREE, not two, to make a successful marriage relationship…you and your spouse and God! God is the most important in the relationship. I knew it in theory, not in practice.

So be encouraged today! Your vision is myopic, God’s visions and plans for your life are panoramic! Tomorrow is not promised, so enjoy life today with those who are with you now. And soon enough, you will see the multitude of colors that surround you with each passing day.

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