So believe it or not, you can have conversations, not arguments with your ex! I must admit this is not an overnight feat! I was not fortunate enough to have an amicable divorce. I know a few persons who have been able to do so. Notice I said a few! It is possible, I believe, but you know as in most things related to marriage it takes two! LOL!!
I can write about it now, but during those early days, weeks, months and years of separation and divorce, it was painful…dreadful…heart-rending to have a conversation with my ex.
First of all, he was always too busy to talk!
He never wanted to talk. Ladies, ladies, you know how we like to talk! At least most women loooovvvveee to talk! He seemed to be enjoying his newly found freedom too much to have time to talk!
Secondly when we did begin a discussion, it would become an argument!
The few times we were able to initiate a discussion about meaningful topics related specifically to my daughter, financial support, assets, it would end up in an argument and raised voices. I wish I could say I didn’t raise my voice too. But I did! I was so frustrated, stressed out. And then once things escalated, in the middle of the conversation, I would literally here the phone go “click!” Yep, he would hang up the phone! This was his modus operandi during all serious and intense conversations. We would go back and forth, me calling and talking, and then his hanging up! I can write about it, laugh about it…NOW!
Third, we had hour long conversations.
Strange right, moving from not really conversing, to hour long conversations! Those conversations did not happen often, maybe like after the first year post separation. Those conversations would be interesting, there would be no raised voices! They would be civil discourses, if you want to call it that. In those “discourses” we would actually talk about our child, events that were happening in our lives (minus of course any significant other) and our families’ lives.
Finally, money conversations, hmm…
Then there would be the financial conversations, these would be the ones that related specifically to any money to be spent with respect to maintenance of our daughter. These conversations of course would always become super-heated! I need to write a totally different article for this topic!!
I do not know the content of the conversations with your ex or soon to be ex. What I can say… it gets better! You get older, he gets older. You get mature and your ex, really, he or she gets mature! Time allows us all to heal and to grow, including your ex!
My faith in God and praying played a tremendous role in getting over the harsh words expressed in those conversations. Praying for myself and my own healing and yes, even praying for my ex. As much as you may blame your ex-spouse or partner for the demise of your relationship, you also had a role to play. I also had a role to play in the demise of my relationship. Afterall it takes two. Granted someone chose not to work on your relationship…but sometimes, believe it or not, that choice was the best choice that they could have made for themselves and for you.
Today over ten years later, I can actually look forward to conversations with my ex, and one day you will too!