I got married in my 30s!  It was a new and exciting experience and definitely on my bucket list. However after a few years of being married and a series of unfortunate marital events, I divorced my husband. It was a long and painful process. During that time, I fortified my heart against being hurt again and decided that I would not be getting married. In this article I am going to list 10 reasons why I decided not get married again.

Reason #1

Avoiding The Hurt.

Getting divorced hurts. Getting a divorce is emotionally, psychologically and even physically painful. At times if felt as if I was having a mental breakdown and at other times it felt as if my heart was breaking. Divorce has been linked to the grief that you experience when you lose a loved one. Divorce, felt like I was dying, but still alive! Every day that I saw or interacted with my former spouse was a hurtful reminder of the relationship I once had, that failed miserably!

Reason #2

Human Beings Are Deceitful.

Yes all human beings lie, spouses lie. There are few persons I can trust completely in this life. Marriage is about trust. Many persons marry persons who they like and claim to love, but do not trust. There is no love without trust. Unfortunately by the time I knew the difference it was too late. Getting divorced helped me to discern the truth from lies and to build relationships with persons whom I could trust.

Reason #3

You Gain Independence.

Being unmarried allows me to sleep in late, not make up my bed for days on end, leave the toilet seat down (ladies you know what I am talking about)! I am also free to make decisions on the spur of the moment without having to consult anyone, or worry about what my in-laws think! That freedom is invaluable! I value my independence!

Reason #4

Less Conflict

Married couples disagree all the time. I have heard some couples say things like they never argue, they are “mostly on the same page.” I say they are lying! All couples disagree! You are two different human beings from completely different worlds, coming together to live under the same roof. Conflicts are inevitable! Being unmarried takes away a lot of conflict.

Reason #5

Improved Spirituality.

Marriage contrary to popular opinion is not just about making yourself happy. Marriage is also about your spiritual growth. Unfortunately many married couples, including myself while married, focus on their own happiness and not their partners’ happiness. This begins a never ending vicious cycle of unhappiness. God is the source of true happiness. Being unmarried gives me more time to spend with God.

Reason #6

You Love Yourself More.

In marriage, I was dependent on the affirmations and demonstrations of love and affection from my spouse. What happened when I did not receive the constant affirmations or see acts of love? I believed that I was not loved. This in turn made me unhappy and sullen and I deduced that I was “unlovable.” Being unmarried gave me the time to truly love and appreciate myself, by myself!

Reason #7

Better Health.

This reason may be a little controversial but here goes…Some studies have shown that married couples live longer. Other studies have shown that single persons live longer. We all want to live longer healthier lives. In my experience single, unmarried persons are less stressed than their married counterparts. And yes, stress reduces the overall quality of your life. Unmarried persons live less stressful and healthier lives.

Reason #8

More Open Minded.

Being on my own forced me to become more open-minded and sympathetic to others and their experiences. If anyone had told me that one day I would have been divorced, I would have called them a bold-faced liar and doomsday prophet. Yet here I am today, a divorced single mom. My experiences post-divorce have allowed me to meet and become friends with an amazing group of people from diverse backgrounds who have gone through similar experiences.

Reason #9

You Become A New Person.

My post-divorce personality and pre-divorce personality are different. Not totally…but different for sure! After coming out of (or going through) a divorce, I was hurt, messed up, damaged goods, need I say more. On the other hand, I was also stronger, older and wiser. I promised myself that the next time  I met someone who I was interested in, I would do the research on my potential mate by speaking with their family, friends, co-workers etc. An old proverb says, “Marry in haste, repent at leisure.” I have lots of time on my hands, now that I am no longer married!

And finally, Reason #10

It Makes Sense Not To Remarry.

I have a teen daughter now. If I have children and my new spouse has children, then I have to think about what happens if I die. What happens to my daughter? Does she become the responsibility of my new spouse or my ex-spouse?  What happens to my assets and properties? Will my daughter be well taken care of? These are questions that will need to be answered. Some persons may be too blinded by their new love to even think that far ahead!

So there you have it!  Ten reasons why I will not get remarried. I think it would make a great movie! That’s it for now,  until next time…